She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize