I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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