This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
