you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
