Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
