Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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