it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
