How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
