were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
