We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
