it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
