I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
