So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
