He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
