Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
