I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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