doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
