i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
