Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
