At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
