so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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