You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
