The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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