tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
