i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
