my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
