He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
