I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
