It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
