I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
