I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
