i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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