Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
