When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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