Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need to stop coming to work sober
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We just shotgunned beers for America
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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