i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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