i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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