right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
