this beer tastes like vomit already
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
