Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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