he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
