So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
