Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
