All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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