You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
