you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
