dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
