Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
