He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
