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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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