I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
