Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
