we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
