Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
